One Week
by Mairead Lee
Summary: It's three years after the war. Zuko hasn't heard from Mai since the Boiling Rock, Katara's lonely. Who can blame the two for finding comfort in each other? But when a certain person appears at a balcony one night...things unravel...
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE

When the war finally ended, there really wasn't time to focus on all the personal matters. Aang was the Avatar—and therefore Katara was proud to stand by him and they both ignored the relationship problems they were having. Sokka's leg was badly hurt, but there were soldiers who dealt with worse—so Sokka suffered in silence. And Zuko had a nation to run—he couldn't dwell on the fact that he hadn't seen Mai since the Boiling Rock. He had to get the world back in order, and the fact that Mai disappeared as soon as her uncle freed her from prison had to be put away in the back corner of Zuko's mind until all the politics were straightened out.

A year after the war, when Zuko still heard nothing from Mai, all his love for her grew a little smaller and smaller each day, the space it left replaced by endless work. (And maybe a little drink, here and there.)

And two years after the war, when Mai's parents had lowered their obvious grieving for their only daughter to just a distraught little sniffle, Zuko decided that he had to let go of Mai too.

Two years three-months after the war, when Katara was alone and Zuko was alone...well...who could blame them for finding comfort in each other?  
But that comfort led to like and that like led to love, and two years six-months after the war, Katara found herself wearing Firenation clothes and sleeping in the first-floor guest bedroom of the Firelord's palace.

Three years and three months after the war, Katara replaced her mother's engagement necklace with her own engagement necklace. And everyone was happy.

Three years seven-months after the end of the war, though, someone came along and unraveled everything.


	2. One

"Could you pick up some leeks?"

"Katara." Zuko shook his head and smiled. "You do not need to cook. There are servants for that.

"Like I'm going to let someone from the Firenation make Water Tribe soup." Katara had on a dirty apron, right over those expensive burgundy robes Zuko bought for her. _Oh, well, _he thought. _She's happy._

"If I find leeks I'll get them," he said, and tossed up his hood to hide his hare and face. "Do you want anything else?"

"Mmh," Katara sighed, and walked over and kissed Zuko. When she brought her face away she laughed.

"Look at us. We look like a cook and a peasant instead," she said.

"Yeah, well, being dressed as a peasant is the only way I can walk around town without being attacked with love." He said it as though it was the worst thing in the world.

"You're _so _humble." Katara placed the tip of her finger on Zuko's nose, and Zuko smiled and thought about how happy everything was. He hadn't been completely happy for such a long time. It was weird.

"Okay," Katara said suddenly, "we need leeks; paper; a sword sharpener..." She stopped and thought and then turned her face to Zuko's and grinned. "Aren't there _servants _to do the shopping?"  
"...Yeah," Zuko shrugged. He kissed Katara again and swept out the door.

There were servants to shop, of course, but Zuko just became so...so _crazy _sometimes, being locked up in the palace and needing escorts to accompany him wherever he went. But without the topknot, the crown—and with his hood and his hair hiding most of his face—he looked perfectly normal.

_ Paper..._ He flipped a couple coins into a merchant's hand and carried away a load of parchment.

_ Sharpener..._

There weren't a lot of people in the market. There weren't a lot of people, so it was easy for Zuko to hear that familiar dry voice; to _recognize _it. And when he slowly turned his head to see who spoke, he saw—about three stalls down—a thin woman, with black hair that hit her shoulders...and...were they stilettoholders strapped to her wrists?

He ducked behind a corner and nearly blacked out..._Mai? _And he leaned his head back against the cool stone wall and..._Mai is here. After three years...she's _here.

And the memories that he kept tucked away flooded over the edges of his mind, his heart. Her ran out of the marketplace. And walked home with shaking legs.

* * *

When he walked in, Katara was there to meet him. _Mai always used to be making tea when I walked in the door._

"Hey," she said, grinning and sitting up once she noticed Zuko. "You were gone awhile. Where were you?"

"Just...out," he said, his voice still shaking. _Katara is pretty,_ he thought. _Katara is pretty and smart and she loves me. I love her. _When he sat down next to her, she wrapped his shoulders in her arms and placed a kiss on his cheek. _Mai always aimed for the throat or the lips._

"You've got to stop being vague," Katara smiled.

"I know."

"Did you find any leeks?" she asked.

"What? Oh—no," he said. How could he remember to look for the stupid leeks when all those other memories, memories of Mai, overwhelmed him?

"Oh! I got a letter from Suki today…where is it…" She leaned over to reach the table where a mess of papers sat and ruffled through them, finally pulling out one with a green border.

"Here," she said, "she wrote that she and Sokka might be able to visit next week. And they'll bring Keiko," she added.

"Who?"

"The baby. Oh, she is so _cute_! I can't wait to see them all again…" Katara's voice dropped. "…it's been so long." Zuko smiled, all gentle, at the crack in Katara's words and hugged her to him.

"Mmh."

He ran his hand through her mass of brown hair and _Mai's hair was coal-black and glossy…no, stop it, _he thought. Katara was in his arms and as long as she was there he couldn't think of Mai…_Mai, whose voice was like gravel and who used to give those soft smiles._

"Mmh," Katara sighed as she pulled away from Zuko. "I promised I'd help Ani clean," she explained. Zuko pulled her back to him by her waist.

"You don't have to help the maid clean, Katara. You're going to be Firelady. Let the servants take care of it," he said. Katara sighed and pulled away again.

"Yeah, but I like to help out. And I'm not Firelady _yet_," she grinned.

"You will be."

"When?" She leaned over and kissed Zuko on the lips, as if it would make the wedding come faster. Zuko smiled when her face lifted away.

"Soon."

"Better be," she said as she left.


	3. Two

Katara was asleep in a bedroom downstairs, the pink and gold one in the left wing of the palace. It was her own room, separate from the others--separate from Zuko's. It was a place to stay while her father was back in the Tribe and while Sokka and Suki were busy on Kyoshi Island with their own home and their own family.

Zuko was awake, standing atop a balcony of the right wing of the palace. He couldn't sleep. How could he? Every time he shut his eyes he saw Katara's face, warm and smiling, and every time he shot his eyes open he somehow picked out of the shadows Mai's face, pale and classic. And he cursed himself for that, he cursed the shadows, he cursed Mai for ruining what was going to be a perfectly decent rest-of-his-life… He leaned over the balcony rail, his eyes focusing on the black shapes of the trees and the hills and the buildings against the dusky sky.

It was Mai's fault. She couldn't leave and expect him to wait for her--no, she couldn't leave for _years _without a single word and expect him to wait for her--no, she couldn't let him think she was _dead _and expect him to brood in his loneliness for the rest of his life.

He turned his back to the night view and studied what he could see of the inside of his palace.

_She never wrote one letter. _That's what bothered him. _Mai disappeared for three years and not once did I get a letter. _The night behind him grew louder, with creaking noises and the rustling of leaves.

_ Mai left me and now she's back, out of nowhere. Damn, what will Katara say if Mai decides to just walk through the front door? I should probably prepare her for everything…prepare myself…_

"Mmph!" What--what was that? It was…felt like a _hand _around Zuko's mouth? Yeah, a hand…_Katara?_

"Hey."

Zuko turned around to see who spoke, whose hand was clamped around his mouth, and who was _stupid _enough to try to kidnap him--

"…"

"Zuko," she said.

"…Mai."

* * *

"You can stop staring at me, Zuko. I don't look _that _different." Mai smiled, gently, and brushed back strands of that--now cropped to her shoulders--glossy black hair.

"I haven't seen you since I was in prison, I'm allowed to stare," Zuko muttered. He stood across from Mai, _Mai, _who leaned on the balcony, her pale fingers splayed on the rail.

"What did you do that for, anyway? Sneak up on me, I mean?" Zuko continued, his voice low. "I was about to firebend!"

Mai was about to explain, but Zuko suddenly didn't care about that, no, who cared about anything anymore? "And why did you leave for three years? You bother me about breaking up with you through a letter but you expect _me _to be fine with you just _taking off_?" And he took a heaving breath and struggled to keep his voice down, keep it from breaking, when he said, "did you know that I was going to ask you to be Firelady? And you just _leave_? I mean--wow, Mai--I really loved you, did you know that?" He stared at her. She stared back. What expression was that on her face?  
"No, I guess you didn't know," he spat when Mai said nothing, just continued to stare. "I guess you didn't care as much as I cared." And with that, he turned to sweep through the doors, back into the palace, back into bed. He would get guards to cover the balcony that night…no, Mai would get around guards…_forget it_, he thought.

He turned to sweep through the doors, but something stopped him.

"Mai…you're not _crying_, are you?"  
Mai snorted and lifted her eyes up to the sky but there were glints of tears on her cheeks. Mai never cried, ever, when she and Zuko were still teenagers. Zuko almost pressed his hand against her shoulder, but no. _Katara is sleeping downstairs and I can't do anything to hurt her._

Mai finally said something, in her rough whisper:

"So you didn't get any of the letters."

Zuko's eyes widened and he whispered back, "No."

Mai spun around to face the land. Was she leaving? But Zuko saw her shoulders shake a little and he knew Mai turned so he wouldn't see her cry. It was so…_weird_, all of it. Mai was _crying_. But she quickly sucked it all back and her shoulders fell.

"I sent you letters," she said simply. "A lot of letters. If you had _received _them, they probably would have explained a lot."  
She looked tiny and fragile.

Zuko sunk his face in his hands. _There were letters, and Katara's sleeping downstairs, and Mai's…here. _He peeled his hands away from his face and Mai looked so different, somehow. Warmer?

"Well, I never _got _any letters," Zuko mumbled. "I kind of thought you were..._dead._" He reached out to her, finally…touched her shoulder, as if to prove she wasn't dead after all.

"I should go," she muttered. "I'm so sorry, the last letter…I wrote that I'd meet you on the balcony"--Zuko remembered that three years ago she always snuck out of her house at night and climbed up to reach Zuko at the balcony--"so I just saw you waiting and _assumed_…" She trailed off and hooked her leg over the ledge to start down.

"Wait. I mean…" Zuko never had a way with words, and fumbled for them.

"What," said Mai, the steel back in her eyes. Zuko sighed.

"I'm not mad at you, if that's what you think," he said. "I'm just…surprised. To see you."

Mai pulled her lips in her mouth and sat on the rail, focusing her eyes on her knee. Zuko went on.

"I'm also surprised about…I don't know…" He blinked and stared at her. "You just seem changed." He reached out both of his arms to her, but no, he dropped them, because caresses turn to hugs and hugs turn to kisses.

Mai gazed at his hands wavering in midair. "I'll tell you everything," she offered, her voice soft. "I'll be back tomorrow. But I'm going to leave now--"

"Right--of course, it's late," Zuko figured, nodding. Mai's mouth curled up at the corners.

"I've stayed up late before, Zuko," she mused. "I'm leaving because I have to get back to Li."

_ Who's Li? _Zuko wondered, but before he could ask anything, _anything_, Mai's face was suddenly close to his and she aimed for his lips--but he turned his face to the side so she brushed up against his cheek. Was she saddened by that? What did she expect? But before Zuko could see her reaction, she slipped over the rail and was gone.


	4. Three

"You're not growing a beard, are you?" she asked. Zuko pressed his fingers against his cheek. Oh.

"I forgot to shave," he told Katara. They sat at the breakfast table--just the two of them, with not even servants by the door. Oh, someone would burst in every so often, with more food or a political suggestion or a letter, but mostly it was just Katara and Zuko and the sun.

"You look tired, too. Did you sleep okay?" Katara commented.

Zuko sighed. "I went to bed late."  
"Ah. Work?"

"Mm. Yeah." Zuko thought of Mai's eyelashes against his cheek--no, he must be good.

Katara smiled and shook her head. She scooted herself next to him and took his hand and brought it into her lap. "You have too much work. I mean, you're practically twenty and running a whole nation." She leaned her head on his chest and looked up. "But I am _so _proud of you."

"Thank you." Zuko rested his head atop hers and the both lost themselves in thought, staring out the windows.

"Aang wrote me, the other day," Katara said finally. "He and Onji are doing well."

"Mm."

"…They're engaged," she said.

Zuko hugged her a little tighter. Katara shifted.  
"No, it's okay," she sighed. "…I'm okay."

"…Are you sure?"  
Katara's eyes met his and Zuko knew what she was thinking.

"Yes. Aang found his, I suppose. And I found mine." She smiled a little. And Zuko smiled back and kissed her, but in the back of his mind he wondered: _and who did Mai find?_

* * *

Katara was asleep in her bedroom again, all the covers tucked up under her chin and the curtains shut. Zuko was standing on his balcony again, watching for one of the dark shapes against the sky to move, to signify that Mai was coming.

Did he want her to visit? Yes. It was friendly, though, and nothing more--in his eyes, anyway--and…well, Zuko missed Mai.

Could he invite Mai to a formal dinner, in the daylight, with Katara at his right hand? …No. Not yet. Because he knew Mai's heart was not shatterproof.

Mai swung herself over the rail of the balcony. When a swath of her shirt sleeve caught on the rail's splinter, Zuko didn't move to help release her—to touch her arm—but he _wanted to_, but oh, no, he must be good.

And when she was untangled, the sat facing each other in the center of the walkway. Zuko stared at Mai. Mai stared at Zuko. Finally...

"So...who's this Li?" Zuko muttered. Mai gazed at him.

"My son," she said.

_ Son? _

"..." (Zuko widened his eyes.)

Mai did not smile.

"..." (Zuko nodded a little, as if to ask: _really?_)

Mai did not smile.

"..._what--_"

Mai grinned. "You never _could _take a joke, Zuko, wow," she laughed.

"That was not a funny joke."  
"Mm." Mai had a glint in her eyes. Those same eyes wandered off to look at the sky until Zuko cleared his throat, in that questioning way. Mai sighed.

"After my uncle released me from prison, I traveled with a family to the Earth Kingdom. They were escaping the Firenation because they did not like what your father stood for." She snugged back into the rail. Her chest went up and down with her breathing. "When I got to the Earth Kingdom, I went to a tavern to stay the night and met a woman named June. She got me a job as a bounty hunter. My shirshu—that's Li—was almost as good at following scents as her Nyla." She rested her fingers on her knees.

"After awhile, I grew sick of it all; sick of the hunting. I actually missed home"--she glanced at Zuko--"and you. The end."

Zuko stared at her for a long time. And then...

"You are so vague," he said, shaking his head. Mai narrowed her eyes but he went on. "Mai, tell me what really happened."

"I just _did_."  
"Yeah. You escape, become a bounty hunter, come home. How emotional."  
"Because I have _so much _emotion—Zuko, _really_."

Zuko's gaze grew kinder. "Mai...you _do. _Don't shake your head—you've always had emotion." He paused. "You're just starting to realy show it. You're...warmer than you were before." And though he didn't ask aloud, his look questioned: _why?_

Mai's eyelashes flickered down, to brush her cheeks. "It was hard at first," she said plainly. "I had hardly any money except for the few coins my uncle gave me...I recieved unwanted attention from a couple bastards while I was still in the Firenation, dediding where to go..." She spat when she mentioned _bastards, _and Zuko wondered...

"...Unwanted attention?" he pressed. Mai's eyes flicked up.

"No—nothing actually happened. They attempted—three grown men see a young woman walking alone, I should have expected some..._attention_." She smiled a little and fingered a blade in the sheath on her left arm. "They were surprised to find I was well-armed."

There was silence for a long time. Mai thought about how when she was alone, she offered kisses for money when money ran short...should she tell Zuko that part? And Zuko wondered where the letters Mai sent him went...and...

"Mai. Why did you leave?" he asked her. His voice was soft and low.

And Mai looked genuinley sad.

"At first a little, stupid part of me was petty and wanted you to feel how hurt I felt when you left"--Zuko stiffened--"but I really just wanted to see if I could fend for myself." She took a breath and laughed a little. "I copied you." She shook her head, still a half smile playing about her lips. "I hated luxury so I went to see what the world was like. I came back because I grew bored of the...rough life."  
Zuko snorted. "I didn't _want _to leave the Firenation. I was _banished._"

"You're so...," Mai trailed off and shook her head, but her voice was affectionate.

"At least I don't just take off on people I like."  
"But you _did_," Mai pointed out. "I fondly remember the day when I saw your letter on my bed—Zuko, you broke my heart." But Mai said that, Zuko noticed, without any sort of hatred. A little bit of reminisce, yes; a little bit of sing-song and sarcasm. But no hatred.

Mai must have sondered at his eyes tracing the outlines of her face, her hair, because she touched a piece of that hair and suddenly said, "You asked why I seem warmer." Zuko nodded. She went on, matter-of-fact: "When I was on my own I had real problems to deal with. I saw injured people...and refugees and broken families. There wasn't time for me to be bored because I was constantly trying not to die. Zuko, I grew up."

Mai did not attempt a kiss that night. _She got the message, I guess, that it's not the same_, Zuko assumed.

If she did lean in before she left, would Zuko turn his face again so that she pressed harmlessley into his skin? He thought of Katara at breakfast and the way the sun fell on her hair. ...Of course he would turn his face. Of course. Zuko went back to his respective room, third floor, center.


	5. Four

"Zuko."

Katara had on her Serious Face, where her mouth grew small and her eyes grew big. She lay on the chaise with Zuko, her fingers tracing his arm.

"Hm?" Zuko breathed. Katara glanced to the side. "Aang's getting married two weeks from now," she said.

"Mm. Are we going?" Zuko watched his fiance's face for something, anything—a twinge of regret, a pang of sorrow over Aang and Onji together. Nothing.

"Yes," she said. "When Sokka and the family come to visit next week. We'll all go together."

"Ah."

Silence. Beats of silence interrupted by the shift of clothes on the chaise. Katara focused on her hands. Zuko focused on Katara. _Does she know about Mai? _he wondered. And then he scribbled out that thought—_know what? SO I'm seeing an old friend and talking to her. That is all._

"Zuko," Katara finally stated.

"Yeah?"  
"I am completely over Aang." Her eyes flicked toward his. "I love you now."

He stroked her arm and mumbled, "I love you, too."

"You really do?"  
_Yes, _he thought. _Mai is a friend and I love you, Katara. I'm marrying _you_, aren't I? _But he said nothing aloud except, "Of course."

Katara looked at him hard.

"Nothing. Never mind," she sighed and nestled back into the chaise. Not Zuko's arms.

Silence.

"Tell me. ...What do you know?" he wondered of her, finally, tentatively. She shot up out of her seat.

"I did something stupid, okay?" She flew over to a box atop her writing desk under the room's window. Out came the key from under her robes, in when the key to the lock, up went the box's lid. Inside were letters.

She lifted them out, all in a neat little stack, and fanned them out on the empty patch of chaise next to Zuko. Some of the notes were crumpled, others on..._was that bark?_...and yet others on fine stationary.

"These are all from Mai," Zuko breathed. _What?_

"_Please _don't be mad." And Katara was almost crying, her words breaking off and spilling into sobs, "We were so happy, it was right after the war ended and me and Aang ended...and I liked you, and...a servant gave me a letter from her..."

_Yeah, well, that servant is going to be fired, _the irrational part of Zuko's mind thought. Katara went on; she grew calmer.

"...and I don't know. I thought that if you talked to Mai you'd get...back together."

Zuko barely thouched the edge of a letter, his finger brushing against Mai's neat signature.

"At one point I thought she was _dead_," he said, his voice growing. Her voice grew small and soothing, sounding like a mother to a child.

"I really love you," she said. "And what I did was wrong, I know—but I'm showing you them now because I'm over Aang"--she paused--"and I know you are over her." She touched Zuko's arm. "I am so sorry, Zuko."  
Zuko restacked the letters, lifting them gingerly. He did not say a word. He knew she was sorry and he forgave her for it but couldn't he be _angry?_

"I know you're sorry," he said shortly. "But...I...I just need to be alone now, okay?"  
Katara lifted her hand from his arm. "I understand."

Zuko managed a passable small and she nodded. And he left, intending to go to his respective room. Third floor, center. But no—he changed his mind. He went to the balcony.

* * *

Zuko:

I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to write. You're going to be mad at me, which is why you won't know about all the danger I'm in until I've already survived it. I know you probably want me to come back to the Firenation and settle down and become some perfect housewife, but I can't do that yet. I'm in the Earth kingdom with this family who fled the Firentation and your dad. They've been nice to me and so far have not figured out that I'm the daughter of your father's main suck-up, the governor of the Colonies. We'll see.

I'll be back as soon...I don't know. I will be back, unless I die, which is unlikely because I now have seventy-three knives on my person.

_(Remember the time we counted them out, one by one?)_

I love you,

--Mai.

Zuko felt his face grow hot at that near-last line, the one about the knives, and he smiled. A half-bitter smile, because though of course he loved Katara now, at one time he loved Mai...and a little part of his heart still loved her—but in his way. In a way that didn't threaten Katara as long as he kept that little part smothered.

He flipped through more of the letters. All of them ended in the same way, with a memory.

_"Remember when I kicked your ass at sparring? All my love, Mai."_

_ "Remember the awkward dinner with my parents? They kept mentioning grandchildren, it was killing me. Love, Mai."_

_ "Remember when you pushed me into a fountian...again? It was not cute. Not even in retrospect. But somehow I still love you. --Mai."_

And the last letter:  
_"Remember how we used to meet at your balcony? Stay out there for the next coupld of days. I should be home soon and I'll meet you there. I hope you still love me as much as I love you. --Mai."_

* * *

"I brought gin tonight," Mai said, revealing two big dusty flasks from under her cloak. "I thought we should celebrate." It was night, as always, on the balcony, as alwyas.

Zuko eyed the alcohol. It had abeen a long and angry day and it looked _so _good.

"Um," he grunted, taking a sip. "I needed that. What are we celebrating?"  
Mai took a slugh of her flask without coughing and Zuko did a mini appluase. Why wasn't she smiling?

"It's a going-away party. For me," she added, quietly, punctuated by another sip from the flask.

_What?_

"_What?" _ Zuko stood. "You're not—leaving—_what?"_

"Zuko, there's nothing here for me." Her eyes were glassy, melted...sad.

_She knew. Maybe not of Katara, but she knew there was someone._

"Oh," Zuko mumbled and clunked to the floor. Mai rolled over onto her back...another long sip...

"I'm not shtupid, you know," she said. Voice starting to slur a bit.

Zuko drank. "I know."

Mai drank. "But you know what the...the sad thing ish?" she asked to the sky. "I'm going to missh this. I like you, Zuko."  
Zuko drank. "I really..._hic!_...like you, too."

"I don't want to leave." Mai drank.

"Don't leave." Zuko drank. And rolled closer to Mai and held her arm.

"Don't let..._hic!_...me leave," she slurred gently.

And so they drank; Zuko to confusion and anger, Mai to restlessness and love...and somehow the flasks grew lighter and lighter and ended up tossed on the floor and Zuko somehow ended up next to Mai...closer...on top of her. And their voices were blotted and runny, but somehow the kiss was graceful and they stayed nestled up against each other, staring at the sky, for a long, long time.


	6. Five

_Sun._

There was so much damn _sun_, that was the first thing Zuko noticed. It swarmed under his eyelids and..._ow..._

He lifted his hand to cover his face and then remembered.

"_Shit_," he groaned. _Is Mai still here? _He let his head fall to one side and then to the other. _Owww... _No Mai. _She must have left before the damn sun came out, _he figured. _She must have--_

"Zuko?" It was Katara.

"Um," he moaned. She dropped her gaze and stared at him.

"Where have you _been_? Zuko, I was worried sick—it's almost noon!"

_Ow. _"Please...stop yelling," he mumbled.

"Zuko, I'm _whispering_."

"...Oh."

"What are you doing out here any—_oh_." Katara's eyes fell on the two empty flasks and the stack of Mai's letters tucked by the door frame. Her face fell.

"You've been drinking over her?" she asked. Small voice.

Zuko couldn't think. It was too early for this. The sun was too bright and Katara was still loud and Mai left and his head oh his head _hurt _and...did Mai really leave? And—his eyes widened—_I kissed her, didn't I?_

"Katara...please...not now," he said, his mouth fumbling to form the words. "Let me sleep a little longer."

She nodded but oh, the steel in her eyes.

"I'll get you some strong tea," she said and went away.

_She's mad at me, _Zuko thought. _I'm mad at me. If I choose Mai, Katara would be so mad, and if I choose Katara, Mai—what am I thinking about? There isn't a choice._

_ But there is_, said the little part of his heart.

_But I love Katara, _the bigger part of his heart said.

_But you love Mai, too_, said that tiny, usually smothered bit of his heart that seemed to grow by the second. _You love both of them_, it said, _but you love Mai more. Yes, you do._

Zuko thought of Katara nad her cheery voice and her strong optimism and her values and her warm brown hair and her big blue eyes. And her ability to forgive and her protectiveness and her small waist and her incredible bending skills. And how she hummed along when she worked and how great of a mother she would be.

Zuko thought of Mai and her graceful hands and her silver eyes and her soft smiles and how pretty she looked with her hair down. And her skill with knives and her bawdy sense of humor and her restlessness and her good advice. And her realism and her facades and her voice like gravel and her blush and her ability to grow and change as a person, just like him.

Katara was the better choice. But somehow, she wasn't the choice he wanted.

* * *

Zuko stayed in the sun, a sun that seemed to become less and less bright, and thought. Katara came back with that special tea that, when drunk, jolted him out of his blurry state. She smiled slightly and knelt down beside him and brushed the hair out of his eyes. "Do you want to talk?" she asked. "I know this must be hard for you...I went through the same thing when...with the Aang ordeal, when he chose Onji."

How could Zuko put Katara through that kind of ordeal again? Now that he sort of knew what it felt like?

"I don't want to talk," Zuko muttered. Katara touched his arm.

"I think you do." She breathed. "I know you're mad at me, but Mai is probably still off wherever she is..."

"So you didn't read her letters," Zuko figured. He nodded. "Thanks for that, at least."

Katara tightened her fists and rested them on her knees. "Where is Mai? I mean, since you obviously did read the letters." She bat her doe eyes and looked at his face.

"I honestly don't know," Zuko said, and he wasn't lying. Mai could be in the Earth Kingdom. At sea. In a fire nation tavern, in the countryside. Close by. Far away.

"Zuko." Katara looked down. "You don't feel any..._different _about me...do you?"

Zuko lifted his head and his face was so serious, so sincere. "No," he assured her. And he didn't feel any different about Katara. He still loved Katara. But his feelings about Mai...maybe they changed, oh...from smothered love to...to real love?

"No," he said again, softer. Katara shook her head a little.

"Because if you want," she continued, "we could...take a break for awhile. From being a couple." She paused. "If you want."

_No _was the answer Zuko was supposed to give—the answer almost half of his heart wanted to give. But oh, _yes _was what he wanted to say, too. _Yes. I want to take a break. Just to sort things out. I don't know what to do anymore! _Zuko thought of Iroh, who was tucked away in Ba Sing Se with his tea shop and his little apartment. What would he say? Would he go for responsibility or desire?

_Both, _Zuko concluded. And he fell off his elbows, back onto the floor, letting his head smack against the marble. Katara chewed her lips.

"Could I haved some time to think?" Zuko asked her, his voice gentle, soothing; not at all like his raging mind. Katara nodded and turned to leave, he shoes making little _click! _Noises as she stepped.

"I love you," Zuko whispered out to her. She didn't stop walking and she didn't turn around as she spoke.

"Love you too," she said.


	7. Six

On with the raspy shirt, on with the huge burgundy pants that Iroh left. On went the street-merchant loves and the long black cape.

Would he try to cover up his scar? Everyone in the firenation knew abou it, it was such a blatant and ugly thing plastered on his face... _Thanks, Dad, _Zuko thought. But he just shook his head and dipped his fingersin the cold fireplace, picking up ashes and brushing it on his face so that he looked more like a filthy peasant.

There.

He padded to his balcony and hooked his legs over the rail and slipped down, using a mess of poles and trellises for support. When he dropped to the ground, a little _puff _of ashes and dirt from the cloak filtered out into the air. Zuko felt filthy and low class...and...and it reminded him of being on the dirt roads of Ba Sing Se. Was that only that only three years and some months ago?

He remembered being on the burning land in the Earth Kingdom country, alone, as he presently trod to the Town Square. So alone. He was alone, now, but maybe—maybe he would find Mai tonight. _Please. _

And, when Zuko finally made it to the bustling night-life of town, he thought of Jin. He smiled. _Wonder whatever happened to her_, he thought. Would she come back to haunt him someday, too

"Has anybody seen this girl?" Zuko used the miniature portrait Mai once gave him, showing it to innkeepers, restraunt owners, people on the street.

"She could have been anybody I saw today."

"What, she ran away from you? ...You probably deserved it."

"She's a pretty one. If I'd have seen her I would've remembered her."

And so it went, until almost everyone was nested up in their houses and Zuko was exhausted. And so it went until finally, one tavern looked at the miniature and said, "Lady just took a room upstairs who looks an awful lot like the one in your drawing. You can come by tomorrow and meet with her. D'ya want to leave a message for her?"

And Zuko left that message, and signed it _Love Zuko_, and left to go home—to sleep—and to...to think about what he was going to do about Mai...and Katara.

* * *

"_Is something wrong?" Zuko asked. Katara was holding a little portrait of Aang. And she wasn't crying, but her face...was so sad. Reminiscent. Broken-hearted._

_ "I'm all right," she said quietly. Zuko sat on the bench next to her, them both silent against the bustle of the festival. It was a few months after the war's end; the parties had been going on straight. Sokka was off somewhere with Suki, and...where was Aang?  
"Where's Aang?"  
Katara sighed. "Off somewhere with Onji."_

_ Oh._

_ "Oh," Zuko said. Then, "You seem sad."_

_ "That's because I am."_

_ "...Does it have to do with Aang?"_

_ Katara snapped up her gaze to meet Zuko's sighed again, and brushed her thumb across the portrait she held. "Well, obviously," she said, and truned her face away._

_ Zuko was never good at comforting. He was also never good at letting matters go._

_ "Are you two fighting?" he pressed._

_ "...No."_

_ "Did he break up with you?"_

_ Katara's mouth flickered. Pause._

_ "It was mutual," she said finally. "We found that we weren't...right for each other."_

_ Ah._

_ Zuko nodded a little. And said, "If you ever need me...you know...I'm here."_

_ Katara glared at him from under her lashes. "Are you tring to pick me up?"  
_

_ Zuko's eyebrows raised quite a bit. "No."_

_ Pause._

_ "I'm just trying to be nice," he explained, a little miffed._

_ Katara's face, though, softened. She even almost smiled. _

_ "Well, thanks. I appreciate that," she told him. And she tucked the portrait of Aang into her pocket, out of sight. _

_ "You're welcome," Zuko said, smiling, too._

That was the day Zuko realized Katara was beautiful.

* * *

_ "I'm so sorry about...earlier today," Zuko said. He and Mai sat nestled against each other on the sand, looking out over the water black as the sky above it._

_ "Sh. Don't ruin the moment," Mai whispered. It was that day on the beach, the day where everyone found themselves a little bit. Zuko sighed and hugged Mai closer and reflected on how thin and...well...breakable she seemed. And het he had to be careful, because if he moved the wrong way, he'd be cut with a hidden knife of hers. Ty Lee and Azula were back in the beach house, probably asleep._

_ Mai ran her hand with its long pale fingers through Zuko's hair. He ran his hand around her shoulders. She kissed him. He kissed her back. There was no need for a spoken 'I love you' because their love was so obvious—but still, Zuko smiled when he heard it whispered in his ear._

That was the day Zuko knew he wanted to marry Mai.

* * *

_ "You look jumpy," Katara commented. And oh, yes, Zuko was jumpy. Giddy. Terribly and horribly afraid._

_ "I'm fine," he managed. He meant to sound casual. Did it work? Katara gave him a look, an unidentifiable look. He smiled, but his eyes were wide and he probably looked like an animal. A monkey. How attractive._

_ "Zuko..."_

_ "Katara."_

_ "...Are you drunk?" Katara asked finally. And if Zuko was drunk... How could he do that on the anniversary of our first date? she wondered, bitter._

_ "What? No, I'm not drunk," he assured. (Shit. So he looked drunk. That was not the image he was going for.)_

_ Katara narrowed her eyes. "Did you drink too much tea?"  
"I don't know. Maybe. I don't know." Zuko tapped his chopstick against the rim of his plate. If he tapped it a certain way, oh, and hummed along—there, he was making a little song! Damn, he was so nervous..._

_Katara tossed her napkin from her knees to the low tabletop. "If you're going to make our anniversary into a joke--"_

_ "Wait—Katara!" Zuko rushed to her side and...there, he stopped breathing so fast. He calmed down. "Wait," he said, his voice lower._

_ "Hm."_

_ "I, uh...well, seeing as though it's our anniversary, I thought it would be appropriate to..." He was nervous again, damnit—and he reached into his pocket and pulled out with shaky hands a necklace; a gold circle strung onto a silky red ribbon. Covered with the royal fire symbol. And he held it up in front of Katara's face and said nothing._

_ And she said nothing. Then..._

_ "Well? What's your answer?!"_

_ She reached out her fingers to touch the metal._

_ He raised his eyebrows._

_ And in a matter of seconds they became a sort of jubilant obnoxious pair, jumping up and down and smearing and declaring love and crying and laughing and hugging and kissing. They grew quiet, then, and solemn, but there was still a glimmer in Katara's eyes, and she laughed when Zuko replaced her old water tribe necklace with a new fire nation one._

_ "I _love _you," she exclaimed, almost like it was a surprise._

_ "I love _you._"_

That was the day Zuko and Katara were engaged.


	8. Seven

He waited outside of her door.

It was a ratty place, the carpets smelling like smoke and the surrounding rooms noisy.

_Did Maiget my note? _ he wondered. She was taking a long time to leave her room...he'd been waiting—what--half an hour already? It was early; Katara was probably still sleeping back at the palace. _Or maybe she's awake, singing and wondering where I am_, he countered. He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," Mai said. Zuko's smile was crooked.

"Hey," he said back. "I'm...I'm so glad you didn't leave."

Mai dipped her head and looked at him from under her bangs. "You didn't let me," she told him. They hugged, but it was quick, so quick—and a quick peck on the cheek, that was all. There was tension—not between them, but in the touchy situation itself.

"Do you think we could talk somewhere...private?" Zuko asked. Mai nodded and led him into her room and shut the door.

Zuko watched Mai set her room key on a tabletop and watched how she tucked her legs under herself as she sat across from him. He watched her watch him.

"...What _exactly _is the situtation here?" Mai asked slowly. Zuko took a breath.

"I'm...Mai, I'm in love with you, you know that. But...I'm also kind of in love with my fiancee--"

"Wow, Zuko, you really know how to make me feel like the other woman."

Zuko shook his head. "I don't know what to _do!_ I mean"--he glanced at Mai's eyes --"I know what I want to do, I just...don't know how to do it." His shoulders sunk. "I can't let Katara down, because she'll take it really hard."

"Katara." Mai tried the name on her tongue. "Isn't she the Water Tribe girl?"

"Yes." Zuko hesitated. "She's also the reason I never got any of your letters."

Mai blinked and studied Zuko's face. She said, "You aren't breaking off the engagement because of _rhat_, are you?"

Of course he wasn't. Zuko had done worse things in his life and had been forgiven; how could he not forgive others himself? He told Mai that...inched closer to her. He could hear her breathing, so slow. He was breaking off the engagement because every time he thought of Mai or saw Mai or heard the name Mai or picked up a knife or looked at the night or saw a drawing...or ate an apple or felt water spray from a fountian or picked out shapes from fire or dressed in orange or heard music or sat on chaises or felt the sun on his skin, he was reminded of a person whom he _loved_. Deeply and truly and unconditionally. _Loved._

"Zuko, if Katara isn't the person you love the most, it would be unfair to both you and her to go on pretending that everything's fine." Mai brushed her fingers against Zuko's scar. It wasn't a mark of a coward or a traitor to her. It marked someone who wasn't afraid to speak his mind, to tell the truth. "And I think Katara knows that things have changed."

"She will hate me," Zuko muttered.

"She will hate you more if you drag this out, Zuko!" Her gaze melted and she closed her hand around the curve of his chin. "She will move on, Zuko," she whispered.

Zuko needed something to hold. So he took Mai in his arms and wrapped her up, and she nestled her face in his shoulder and stayed there. And he stopped thinking about Katara, because as long as Mai was in his arms, he could think of nobody else but Mai.

_I love you._

* * *

He rested his hand on Katara's shoulder. How he hated to see her cry.

She rose her own hand as though to brush Zuko's away, but no—no, she let her palm fall and let his hand stay there on her shoulder. Those big blue eyes were so pale.

He almost stroked his fingers through her hair, that thick brown hair that was so pretty in the sunlight. She blinked and tried to breathe without sobs, talk without screaming...she lifted her eyes to his and dwelled on the memories. And suddenly Zuko's arms were around her, for the last time. And she knew he loved her and for that moment she pretended he would always love her.

The engagement necklace fell to the floor, the tears fell to the floor.

One last kiss, then goodbye.

The kiss lasted for a second and the sun filtered through the clouds and the curtains, and then...goodbye.

Goodbye.

I love you.

_Like the words would help_

...I love you more.

And the sun fell behind a cloud and Zuko saw Katara no more.


End file.
